Fuck Michael Jackson

The guy could dance, hooked up with a couple of good producers, diddled little kids (allegedly, yeah right), and is now dead. Good riddance.

Dear, dear Governor Sanford

When apologizing publically to your wife and constituents, here's a rough list of things you should probably avoid mentioning:

1. Your experience, even that which falls within your college years, of working across national borders without a work visa. This goes double for high-ranking, GOP president-hopefuls.

2. That you were exhausted by your own efforts to turn down federal stimulus money.

Oh, Howie.

This life lesson on how not to exist brought to you by Howie Carr's column.

Here's a tip, kids: If you're making fun of how antiquated your rival paper is, maybe you shouldn't scoff at how it's worth one dollar, and then add, "eight bits!"

You knew Howie Carr was old, but did you know he flew here from the 19th century?

Also, don't deride other reporters' "tastefully weathered summer homes on Nantucket" when you live in Wellesley.