The gay marriage solution

By ALEXANDRIA MARZANO-LESNEVICH

del.ico.us | digg it! | reddit!

print | email | 0 Comments

Earlier this month, the California Supreme Court considered the issue of gay marriage. The arguments for marriage looked like they did here in Massachusetts in 2003: equal rights, the inadequacy of domestic partnerships and civil unions, comparisons to interracial marriage and Loving v. Virginia. But as a gay woman who'd like to see every argument made on behalf of my right to enter into an institution with a nearly 50 percent failure rate, I can't help but notice that the gay marriage advocates once again missed a huge one. Gay marriage is great for straight people.

No, I don't just mean that discrimination hurts everyone, love is the answer, imagine a world in which love matters and people are respected equally, blah blah blah. I get that social policy's a little more complicated than a Beatles song. Nor am I arguing that gay marriage is good for society because it promotes long-term stable relationships and child-rearing. At least one recent study suggests that lesbians raise better adjusted, less violent boys than straight couples, but there's probably a counter-study out there suggesting those poor boys are just pussy-whipped. So Iet's leave the breeders, irrespective of their sexuality, out of this one.

What I'm after is much more pragmatic. Listen up, straight people: Gay marriage can be your backup plan.

Since time immemorial (or at least since a 2000 episode of Friends), freaked-out aging straight folks have gotten drunk and made their best opposite-sex friends swear to marry them if they hit some unimaginably ancient age (usually 40) and no one else wants their sagging, tired asses. And when you think about it, isn't the time-honored tradition of settling really just the same thing, even if neither party explicitly acknowledges it?

Why should heterosexual marriage be the only variety available to exploit for convenience? Broaden your options! We live in a gendered world, and if you're a dude, your best friends are probably dudes, and if you're a chick, your best friends are probably chicks. These are the people you already know well, the people you trust, the people who've got your back—and they're your untapped pool of potential marriage partners! Oh, sure, if you're straight you'll probably miss out on the sex. But odds are that was going to fade away anyway.

The California Supreme Court has 90 days to make up its mind. With the current composition of the Court (six justices appointed by Republicans, and only one by a Democrat), I'm not holding my breath. But maybe if straight Californians wake up to what a good thing they're about to miss out on, they can pressure the court into ensuring marriage is equally available to all: straight couples, gay couples and BFFs.

Whatever happens in California, now is the time to revel in your good fortune, straight Bostonians. And remember this argument if a referendum to abolish gay marriage makes it on to the ballot here in 2012. After all, you're not getting any younger.