Idiots with microphones

By Media Farm

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DID YOU HEAR about David Banner? Not the dirty South rapper, the craaazy Cambridge man who allegedly called WEEI sports radio to threaten the hosts of the "Dennis & Callahan" show? (You remember those guys! They kept announcing that Election Day was postponed and Democrats should vote on Wednesday? Classy, original stuff!)

The threats were never broadcast, and all the transcripts have been sanitized for your virgin ears with [expletive]s, but we'll do our best to re-create the call. Banner calls on October 29th, and says:

"And another thing, the next time [ol' Ostrich Humper] laughs in somebody's face with his snide snickering laugh, I'm gonna come in there and kick his [pretty] teeth in. And then I'm gonna look for you and kick your [unflossed] teeth, you [philistine]. ... And you can tell [Donkey Muncher] when he makes fun of people to look in the [opulent] [funhouse] mirror. [Good day to] you."

Then there was this gem, from November 4th:

"When you talk about somebody's look, look in the [guilded] mirror, you donut-eating [kitten] [licker]. You and your [puppy] [eating] daughter. Die, you son of a [tapeworm]."

It was time to call District Attorney Dan Conley, who stated, "If someone finds a radio show that upsetting, the appropriate response is to change the channel." Clearly, Conley hasn't listened to Howie Carr's show.

This is why radio shows screen calls.

But isn't receiving a spit-storm of backlash just part of being a public personality—especially one known for spewing opinions about a testosterone-fueled topic? Clearly, Banner is a moron. He's called the station several times over the past two years, made anti-Semitic references to Entercom's Jason Wolfe and shouldn't be put on the air. Uh, so ... why does WEEI keep taking his calls?

SPEAKING OF GIVING a platform to random morons, the New York Times announced their newest Op-Ed columnist ... it's Bono. Really. We haven't been this pissed off since James Blunt "guest edited" the Metro. Surely, journalism is dead.

In a press release, in which editor Andrew Rosenthal referred to Bono as "a great addition to our Op-Ed line-up" (har har! Asinine!), Bono's quoted as saying, "What an honor. I've never been great with the full stops or commas. Let's see how far we can take this," which are leaked lyrics from his new single, "Grammaur."

Honestly, Media Farm could get a Ph.D. in headache studies for the dissertation we'd like to write on Bono's first Op-Ed (which fails immediately because it doesn't present a single opinion). Just look at this opening:

Once upon a couple of weeks ago ...

I'm in a crush in a Dublin pub around New Year's. Glasses clinking clicking, clashing crashing in Gaelic revelry: swinging doors, sweethearts falling in and out of the season's blessings, family feuds subsumed or resumed.

Sigh! If that doesn't make you retch, feel wretched or pray for a car wreck (alliteration is so poetic!), he starts talking about his old buddy, Frank Sinatra:

We had spent some time in his house in Palm Springs, which was a thrill—looking out onto the desert and hills, no gingham for miles. Plenty of miles, though, Miles Davis. And plenty of talk of jazz.

Holy shit! Bono's plagiarizing Dan Shaughnessy!

Why couldn't the Times have hired Bob Dylan? He's just as political, far more poetic and his writing wouldn't feel like watching some jackass masturbating while REFUSING TO TAKE HIS FUCKING SUNGLASSES OFF.

AND FINALLY, what kind of watchdog would Media Farm be if we ignored the elephant in the room? Our home, the Weekly Dig, is, uh ... snugger. We are, of course, in good company: The Globe cut down on pages, the Herald shrank its page size, as did the Boston Business Journal. And, rumor has it the Phoenix's shiny, demented step-sister, Stuff@Night, is going monthly (and changing its name to Stuff, because nighttime is just too much focus for them).

People are thirstier for information than ever before ... it's just a question of us learning the best way to deliver it. And—we certainly didn't tell you this—but we all know that innovative papers like this one have been compensating as they slink away from a print format. If you read the Farm regularly, we're sure you can guess where we're expanding content. More to come ...