Downright Tragic

By MEDIA FARM

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Last week, the MBTA handed 9-percent pay raises to 200 managers, just days after demanding a fiscal bailout from the state. Both dailies gave the story front-page play. Even though the news had no apparent connection to either Clark Rockefeller or that guy who's been swimming on TV a lot lately. To what do we owe the honor?

THE GLOBE'S CITY WEEKLY SECTION still doesn't have headshots. Which is too bad. If it did, we'd say, "Hey there, Veronica. Looking good."

AN OUT PROFILE ABOUT a guy who gets other guys laid on the internet just totally blew up, after some blogger dude—apparently ungrateful for the unlimited quantity of cyber-ass at his disposal—went on the Huffington Post and wrote about how the guy in question, Manhunt.net cofounder Jonathan Crutchley, had given some of his gay-sex money to John McCain.

Since the site is based in Cambridge, the kinda-scandal allowed the Herald to write a short story in which the words "Manhunt" appeared four times, with "gay hookup" popping up twice. As an added bonus, the story's headline described Crutchley as being "slapped." Tee hee!

LAST WEEK, THE PHOENIX took aim at stoner movies. And by "take aim," we mean, "carve to shreds with a dull spoon." "What does it say about America," renowned eunuch Peter Keough asks, "that marijuana movies are a hot genre right now?" Probably nothing.

But we'll do you guys one better. What does it say about Media Farm that we actually waded through a long-ass article that didn't do anything but summarize a bunch of old movies we've already seen, trip over some cringe-inducing references to old guys smoking the reefer, and then end abruptly by plugging an Oliver Stone movie? Where is the great insight into the heart and soul of the American worker that we were promised? NOW WE'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING IN AMERICA.

TRUST US. We're as sick of flogging Kevin Cullen's sorry ass as you are of reading about it. But until the guy starts putting a little bit of work into his work—driving eight hours to write about the Delaware State Fair doesn't count—we've got to keep at it.

A suggestion: Email the guy and tell him to stop sucking at life already. Here's a form letter to follow: "Dear Kevin. We all know you're a great reporter. Could you start acting like it every now and then? Because until you do, we're going to have to keep reading about you in Media Farm. And if we're reading about your latest shitty column in Media Farm, that means we're not reading some scintillating new Adrian Walker drunk driving jokes. Please rectify this situation immediately. Love, Everybody."

THANK JESUS that Osama killed off irony. Because now, New York Magazine can compare the inside politics at fashion magazines to Pablo Escobar. We couldn't do that during the roaring '90s!

Forgetting for a moment that in Colombia petty feuds result in death, whereas in fashion the worst-case outcome is generally a series of anonymously sourced Women's Wear Daily items, the expiration of the contracts binding Project Runway to the Bravo channel and Elle has hit the business like the bust of the Medellín cartel. Fashion-industry feuds, adhering to that great axiom about the viciousness of low-stakes conflicts, are not so unlike mafia feuds.

Ooh. Ooh wait. Believe it or not, we can top that. Here's a passage from August's Vanity Fair, in which the magazine gnashes its teeth and wails over the plight of homeowners in the Hamptons. Spoiler alert: Shit's downright tragic.

"I do have clients who worked at Bear Stearns—husband and wife both worked there," says Lynda Ireland of Prudential Douglas Elliman. "They'd finally found a beautiful home they loved, and they bought it." The house is in Bridgehampton, in the $2 million range. "Now they may have to sell it. They've told me it's not that they're afraid of being foreclosed upon. But they're frightened. They have a big apartment in New York, and they feel they have to choose between New York and out here—they can't carry both. And they have small children, so they want to be in New York for the kids. It's very sad."

And now, an update from Somalia: Ah ... Out of space. Maybe next week!