Summer Travel: STAYCATION!

Wish you were here … oh, wait. You are.

By CARA BAYLES, DAVID DAY, CHRISTINE LIU AND ELLEN PRZEPASNIAK

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So, you like the idea of a one tank trip, but you can't afford to trade your mother for 20 gallons of gas. But you're not a machine! You need a break. The solution? Visit all the New England states without leaving the one you're in. It's a staycation, get it? And not only is it frugal it also allows you to help jumpstart the local economy and appreciate what you have closer to home.

Connecticut: The little rectangle that could

You're dying to check out New Haven, the birthplace of American pizza. Ever heard of the North End, birthplace of Bostonian Italian-Americans? Try Pizzeria Regina [11 1/2 Thatcher St., North End, Boston. 617.277.0765], or the Waterfront Café [450 Commercial St. North End, Boston. 617.523.0613].

Or perhaps you want to visit Yale, to be inspired by its historical architecture, or because mumsy dragged you there. Check out Harvard instead! [Cambridge ... and soon, most of Allston]. Their gates are open. Roll around on the quad and hunt for intellectuals.

"And what about the rich people?" you ask. "I must smell hedge funds for this staycation to be complete!" The John Hancock [200 Clarendon St., Boston] is not only the tallest building in Boston, it's also home to guys who tell other people what to do with their money.

Home to commuters big and small, Connecticutters tend to be poseur Yankees fans. Looking for all the excitement of rooting for the other team? Why haul ass across state lines when you can go to Fenway [4 Yawkey Way, Boston. 617.226.6666] donning a Yankees cap? The adrenalin-pumping ass kicking you're sure to receive will make for a thrilling tale to recount to your friends.

Rhode Island: Insert catchphrase here

Rhode Island—America's tiniest, cutest state—has nothin' on us. Need to catch some waves? There are just as many totally tubular places to go surfing here. Head south to Nantasket Beach ... it's T-accessible! [Nantasket Beach on the commuter rail's Greenbush Line].

And no need to go all the way to Newport for fancy schmancy mansions when you can take the Framingham/Worcester commuter rail to Wellesley Square $5.25 each way, mbta.com. Gawk at the houses on Cottage Street and thank your lucky stars you didn't go to an all-female school.

If you're looking for a heaping, steaming portion of squid, try the calamari fritti with spicy tomato sauce on the side ($10.95) at Sweet Basil [942 Great Plain Ave., Needham. $10.95. 781.444.9600. sweetbasilneedham.com]. Don't forget to BYOB, kids; Needham's a dry town.

Got love for the Rhode Island School of Design? Goooooo ... nads! (Seriously. We wouldn't lie about a team named the Nads.) Save yourself the VD and obvious jokes. Our loyalties lay with Massachusetts College of Art and Design [621 Huntington Ave., Boston. 617.879.7000. massart.org]. That's right, R.I., we've got a homegrown batch of artistic hipsters for people watching, and by our calculations, Massachusetts is seven times your size. Wanna fight?

Vermont: The hippie state

Why would you trek out to another state (think of your carbon footprint, maaaaan) just to see a dairy farm? For four days this summer Wilson's Farms [10 Pleasant St., Lexington. Tours on 7.12.08, 7.26.08, 8.7.08 and 8.21.08/6:30-8pm. 781.862.3900. wilsonfarm.com] offers free farm tours of their planting fields and barnyard. And while we're not sure they have cows, they definitely have a llama. And you know what llamas can do? Lactate!

Now we all know the real tourist attraction in Vermont is hippies thriving in their natural habitat, strumming their guitars. But if all you need is musicallygifted white kids with dreadlocks, look no further than Berklee College of Music [1140 Boylston St., Boston. 617.266.1400. berklee.edu] or, you know, Cambridge.

If it's maple syrup you're after, don't bother tapping a tree (you might hurt yourself). Instead, check out Zoe's Diner [1105 Mass. Ave., Cambridge. 617.495.0055. zoescambridge.com], where they serve 100-percent pure syrup with their all-day breakfast menu.

So you want to get high and go on a nature hike. Just take a guided Freedom Trail tour [148 Tremont St., Boston. thefreedomtrail.org], and smoke before you leave. The North End is hilly enough, and pigeons are natural (sort of).

New Hampshire: The spins, fiery crashes and explosions

New Hampshire is New England's redneck. Their state-run liquor stores provide all the potent potables needed to get bombed. Boston doesn't quite have city-owned spirit salons, but Kappy's [various locations. 800.533.WINE. kappys.com] and Blanchard's [various locations. 617.327.1400. blanchardsliquor.com] have been serving up alcohol for generations (60 years and 170 years respectively).

NH has become a NASCAR stronghold of late, and while standing in the middle of a rotary and waiting for a crash is a similar experience, we're going to endorse go-kart racing. F1 Boston [290 Wood Rd., Braintree. 781.848.2300. f1boston.com] in Braintree is a shoe-in for a suitable replacement. Just don't try to use your cellphone video like it's a cockpit cam. That's just not allowed.

Although fireworks are outlawed in the Hub, how fun are the party poppers you can get at iParty [various locations. 800.4IPARTY. iparty.com]? Yeah, weaksauce.

Nothing says New Hampshire like renting a shotgun and firing at a wall for fun. It's all you at Boston Gun Club [317 Southwest Cutoff, rt 20, Worcester. 508.755.9955. bostongunrange.com].

Maine: Home of rocks, claws and other sharp stuff

Ah, the sweet, salty air of a rocky beach. Makes you want to get out the sharp implements and jam it in a shiny red crustacean already. Though Maine's got the lobster schtick down pat, you can move past the level of scarlet steamed twins at Excelsior [272 Boylston St., Boston. 617.426.5684. excelsiorrestaurant.com], whose chef, Eric Brennan, presents a new lobster dish each week this summer (a side of "liquid corn on the cob"? We're sold). If you're hankering for impeccable, weightless, heart-stoppingly indulgent fried seafood, hit the road for The Clam Box [246 High St., Ipswich. 978.356.9707. ipswichma.com/clambox], the proudest graduate of the "creative tie" school of architecture.

Here's a cliffhanger: South Shore's Minot Beach [Glades Rd., Scituate] has an immense oceanic boulder that'll intimidate the most rugged shoreline.

Heading north for outlet shopping? Bah! Filene's Basement [497 Boylston St., Boston. 617.424.5520. filenesbasement.com], or even City Sports Basement [11 Bromfield St., Boston. 617.423.2015. citysports.com], are bargains in Boston's backyard.

Despite the sheer appeal of being bum rushed by a Maine-blooded moose, we'll placate ourselves by tempting fate with reindeers and black bears at the Stone Zoo [149 Pond St. Stoneham. 617.541.5466. stonezoo.org]. Heeeere, kitty kitty kitty ...