MASS ART

By LAURA DARGUS

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While you've likely spared your parents the burden of out-of-state tuition, you still broke their hearts by going to art school. It's cool. They get to look forward to years of explaining your major (fibers?) to their friends and supporting your impoverished ass come graduation. You have to suffer for your art, so why shouldn't they? (You'll notice that a lot of our recommendations send you out to Jamaica Plain, but let's face it-you're a lot happier living on the fringes of society anyway.)

SHOP HERE

Not that you have any money, but you've got needs. Forget books, Blick Art Store [401 Park Dr., Fenway, dickblick.com] has your school supplies covered. Once you've run out of canvas and the next best medium is your skin, Fat Ram's Pumpkin Tattoo [380 Centre St., JP, fatramtattoo.com] is happy to oblige. When you're not modeling for life-drawing classes, you'll need to clothe yourself. Boomerangs [716 Centre St., JP, aac.org], Honeyspot [48 South St., JP] and Gumshoe [40 South St., JP] have your boho-boudoir options stocked. Cart your vegan groceries home from Harvest Co-op [57 South St., JP. harvestcoop.com] on your bike you procured from Bikes Not Bombs [18 Bartlett Sq., JP. bikesnotbombs.org] and eat a soy sandwich, waify-tits.

EAT HERE

When your parents come to town, let them treat you to some of the city's best Thai. Brown Sugar Café [129 Jersey St., Fenway. brownsugarcafe.com] boasts some seriously delicious curry and veggie offerings--which is great, because if you aren't vegetarian now, you will be in like five minutes. You could also head to Centre Street Café [699A Centre St., JP] for their own veggie fare and an amazing Sunday brunch. Speaking of hangovers: A rough night can turn into a good morning if you're nursing one of Mike's Donuts [1524 Tremont St., Roxbury. missionhillmainstreets.org/mikesdonuts.html]. For a quick break from your studies (ha!), cheap tacos and plantains await at El Pelón [92 Peterborough St., Fenway. elpelon.com].

HANG HERE

You're going to have to mix with the masses sometime, but Milky Way Lounge & Lanes [403-405 Centre St., JP. milkywayjp.com] takes the edge off by throwing a bowling alley, lounge and bar all in one place. Check out bonkers noise bands at the Midway Café [3496 Washington St., JP. midwaycafe.com] and experiment with your tolerance for booze and other people. On your drunken stumble back to the dorms, hit up JP Licks [1618 Tremont St., Mission Hill. jplicks.com] to see who else gets obliterated before 11pm. You're only like 90 pounds, so stay warm and shoot pool at Punter's Pub [450 Huntington Ave.] when the weather turns--you won't even have to leave when/if you get hungry: University House of Pizza [452 Huntington Ave.] is just one (literal) hole-in-the-wall away from a fine slice.

AVOID

Downtown; suits; fratboys; Sox fans; any member of general public, actually; job fairs; coherent statements; accepted sexualities; swimming in the Charles; making money.