HARVARD UNIVERSITY

By JULIA REISCHEL

del.ico.us | digg it! | reddit!

print | email | 0 Comments

Legacies, virtuosos, geniuses, people who blurt their SAT scores when they get drunk ... Harvard students take many forms--most of whom will let you know they're at Harvard with varying degrees of arrogance and guilt.

SHOP HERE

Get the imported hookah for your freshman entryway and that congratulatory thesis cigar at Leavitt & Pierce [1316 Mass. Ave.]. Don't let the official Harvard regalia fool you: You really don't have to shop at the Coop. Instead, get your dorm supplies at Dickson Bros. [26 Brattle St., dicksonbrosco.com], your notebooks at Bob Slate [1288 Mass. Ave., bobslate.com], your course books at the Harvard Book Store [1256 Mass. Ave., harvard.com], and your wicked original poster of Starry Night on eBay. Or, if you feel like veering off the straight and narrow, do as the pit kids do: Match an ironic T-shirt from Proletariat [The Garage, 36 JFK St., arevolt.com] with some vinyl pants from Newbury Comics fashion spin-off Hootenanny [The Garage, 36 JFK St., myspace.com/shootenanny] and pick up a weed-appreciation coffee table book from Urban Outfitters [11 JFK St., urbanoutfitters.com].

EAT THIS

Inhale a burrito at Felipe's Taqueria [83 Mt. Auburn St., felipestaqueria.com] or a slice of Sicilian at Pinocchio's Pizza and Subs [74 Winthrop St., pinocchiospizza.net], the only cheap food in the Square aside from those Rice Krispies treats left over from Brain Break in the dining hall. When your parents visit, pull out all the stops and take them to Spice [24 Holyoke St., spicethaicuisine.com], where you will impress them with your newly acquired understanding of Pad Thai's many variations. To woo that fetching co-ed from your Justice section, make like a grad student and install yourself at a table at Café Pamplona [12 Bow St.] with an espresso and a world-weary grimace; then hope to God that everyone isn't as smart as they look.

HANG HERE

Loiter in Harvard Yard, next to the gleaming bronze foot of the John Harvard statue, which you should rub vigorously for luck until you realize that it's glazed with decades of urine. Then you can hose off your shame at Charlie's Kitchen [10 Eliot St.], the most venerable townie bar at Harvard, where the lobsters are dubious and the terms "Ec 10" and "expos" are meaningless. If you're in the mood to get hit on by law students and/or your senior tutor, don a button-down, slink into Grafton Street [1230 Mass. Ave., graftonstreetcambridge.com] and wait for someone to mention Bain & Company. But if it's Monday, drop the pretense and wedge yourself into the bar at John Harvard's Brew House [33 Dunster St., johnharvards.com], where the appetizers are half-price with a college ID after 10pm. No matter what you do, the laws of nature dictate that you will always end the night at the Hong Kong Restaurant & Lounge [1238 Mass. Ave., hongkongharvard.com], where generations of Harvard students have laid down crusty layers of Veritas DNA. This is the only place open past midnight in the square, so it doesn't matter whether you have a taste for mysterious pink punch garnished with little plastic animals--you're going to drink it anyway.

AVOID

Everyone. Your parents aren't spending $200,000 for you to fraternize with the locals and contaminate your round Andover vowels with a squawky Boston accent. Your freshman year, they might overlook an occasional sneak onto the Wellesley College Fuck Truck, but after that, join a finals club and stay the hell out of Boston. You never have to learn the difference between BC and BU--just make sure that the doors on your ivory tower are securely locked.