BERKLEE COLLEGE OF MUSIC

By CHRIS FARAONE

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You're a misogynistic little puke now, but soon you'll find yourself surrounded by like-minded singer-songwriters who were equally unpopular in high school. So squeeze into those little black jeans and lace up your low-top All-Stars, because it's going to be a confusing culture fuck for the next however long you last in Berklee's gauntlet.

SHOP HERE

Stop by Rayburn Music [238 Huntington Ave., rayburnmusic.com] for all your brass, string and woodwind needs, and then visit UndergroundHipHop.com [234 Huntington Ave., UGHH.com] next door to see how some people who lack pricy educations make music without any instruments at all. Keep it urban and fetch some nasty throwback kicks at Bodega [6 Clearway St., bdgastore.com] and a Colt 45 at Huntington Wine & Spirits [301 Huntington Ave., huntingtonwineandspirits.com] since closer digs recently closed up shop. And for a quick transformation from high school outcast into a leathery rocker and/or stripper, be sure to accessorize at Dorothy's Boutique [190 Mass. Ave., dorothysboutique.biz].

EAT THIS

Nothing says "My parents aren't really paying for my education" like a steady diet of Spike's Junkyard Dogs [1076 Boylston St., spikesjunkyarddogs.com]; and for serious post-rehearsal munchies, we recommend auditioning for Spike's Kobayashi-inspired "Kennel Club." On your way back from laughing at the unenlightened BU puds boozing on Boylston St., swing by Bukowski's Tavern [50 Dalton St.] for some authenticity, and, if it's before 8pm, the best $1.69 burger in town. As for pizza, we're recommending Crazy Dough's [1124 Boylston St., crazydoughs.com] for pie selection, and Little Steve's House of Pizza [1114 Boylston St.] for value and picking up the other kind of sloppy late-night pie.

HANG OUT HERE

Don't let a single event go down at the Berklee Performance Center [136 Mass. Ave., berkleebpc.com] without loitering outside, asking the square older people in line what's going on, and then laughing to your friend and walking away after they give you a response. Even though you resent the obnoxious materialism over on Newbury St., it's perfectly acceptable to grab a latte and sample from Trident Booksellers & Café's [338 Newbury St., tridentbookscafe.com] Barnes-and-Noble-trouncing indie magazine selection. Most of all, though, unless you're studying the business side of music, we recommend that you get used to hanging out on street corners and in alleyways.

AVOID

Berklee apparel (it's like rocking the shirt of the band you're going to see); the nuthouse; inviting the semi-homeless guy who opens the door at Store 24 back to your dorm room; swimming in the Charles; swimming in the Christian Science pool; dating someone from one of the area's non-artistic colleges--unless you're ready for serious West Side Story drama.