[Cruel World] 
Thank you for the most horrifying Valentine's Day of my life. Nonchalantly, you oh so daintily entered our bedroom last night, entirely nude, and my worst fears were confirmed. "Surprise honey," you said. I couldn't believe my eyes. You shaved the hair on your Lady business—all of it! How could you do such a thing without discussing this with me first? I loved your fur pie, and now I have no idea how to broach the subject.
[Cruel World] 
Dear cheap, fat bastard,
If you weren't a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier, I would have punched you in the face just now. The fact that you charge $3-something for a slice of cheese pizza was okay with me. I get that you're taking advantage of the tourists like all the other restaurants in Quincy Market.
[Cruel World] 
Dear Sculling boat that so epitomizes Boston city living,
Why is everyone so proud of you? You are the least cool thing that has happened to this city ... ever. Furthermore, don't ever fucking t-bone my girlfriend and I in our sailboat again. If you do that again I will drown you, all of you.
[Cruel World] 
Dear Inanimate Object or Protagonist of An Incident That Happened to Me That No One Else Can Relate To,
[Cruel World] 
Thank you
for making me feel so comfortable in your store amidst the frenzy of holiday
shoppers. The guitar shop isn't daunting enough for an amateur guitar player
who hasn't mastered the entire "Stairway" solo to jam
in-store. It really helped when I asked your advice on a certain guitar only to
be told that since I wasn't familiar with that particular brand, that I
"don't know anything about guitars," before you walked away to show
[Cruel World] 
Dear Fellsway Sunoco gas station owner
[Cruel World] 
How dare you ask me to contort my legs to accommodate you and your wife's disgusting public make-out session. Like I needed your fucking slobber any closer to me than it already was. And for what? So your 5-foot-3-inch wife could enjoy two inches of extra space at the expense of my knees?
[Cruel World] 
To the creep who stole my underwear
from the Inman Square Laundromat:
[Cruel World] 
Yes, I actually told you to “be fucking quiet!”
[Cruel World] 
I'm not
going to tell you again, stop throwing clothes on the floor like you were
raised in a goddamn barn. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? It must
be really difficult for a pampered, self-entitled bitch like yourself to hang
clothes back up after you've tried them on. But if I go into one more dressing
room and see clothes thrown on the floor, I'm going to flip out and tell you to
shove your customer experience expectations right up your lazy ass. Just in case
