Bean Counter

By Dig Staff

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Basic food products (flour, milk) are becoming ridiculously more expensive. Yeah, you beat the energy crisis by riding your bike to work, but with egg prices jumping 40 percent in the last year, oil is looking mighty tasty. MINUS 40

Google captured City Councilor Sal LaMattina shirtless and hosing down his garbage cans for the Google Street View photo of his East Boston residence. It could be worse ... imagine what they would catch Mitt Romney doing in his front yard. PLUS 1

Massachusetts state police go all commando on Brockton's ass for "Operation Brockton Surge." In one house, officers watched cartoons with a child and waited for her school bus to pick her up before arresting her mother. They were worried witnessing her mother's arrest would "traumatize" the kid. We're sure coming home after school to find her mother gone will be far less traumatic. MINUS 1

Four public hearings for the Cape Wind project are scheduled for this week, so we can hear the same tiresome arguments lobbied back and forth ... in different districts! Seriously, the government doesn't show this much transparency about whether they're listening to your pizza delivery order ... it's amazing how much headache a Kennedy compound can cause. EVEN

A four-alarm fire breaks out at the Mandarin Hotel on Boylston Street. Construction workers at the project safely evacuate without injuries. Firefighters extinguish the blaze, but we're all too obsessed with how much weed they're smoking and how much money they're making to notice. EVEN

Antibiotics, antidepressants and sex hormones were found in the drinking water of 41 million Americans. Boston is one of 34 cities that doesn't test for drugs in drinking water, so we're trying to think of a bright side to all this. We'd like to say, with the rising cost of pharmaceuticals, maybe we should be glad they're giving the stuff away ... but that seems kind of coarse, even for the Dig. MINUS 34

After witnesses reported a man jacking off to internet porn at the West Roxbury branch of the Boston Public Library, it has announced plans to put filters on public computers. But, you've got to hand it to the BPL ... they want to make it hard (no pun intended) for patrons to access porn sites, while not infringing on First Amendment rights. So, says Carol Mahoney, BPL neighborhood services manager, "All branch libraries will have one computer with unfiltered access." Our advice to non-masturbating patrons: Steer clear of that computer. EVEN

Gov. Deval Patrick headed down south for the "Political OutGiving" conference for gay and lesbian fundraisers. Or, as we like to call it, SPRING BREAK MIAMI '08!!! PLUS 1

THIS WEEK'S TOTAL: MINUS 73

LAST WEEK'S TOTAL: MINUS 19