Ask a Local High School Student

By THE PROBL-O-MATIC ADVICE CONSULTANTS

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Dear Probl-O-Matic,

How long is too long to wait to pee? One hour? Two hours? I've definitely gone over four hours, but one time when I was going for three, I got mugged and peed all over myself.

--Person in Emerging Need of Urinary Stabilization

Dear PENUS,

Four hours? That's almost a whole school day for me! Although I have been known to spend some classes in the bathroom (sorry, Mr. Schotland). Anyways, what I would suggest is to grow out your fingernails and hair, and collect your pee in bottles or something, you know, like Howard Hughes.

Or seek professional help. And try not to pee on the way to the doctor's office.

Happy yellow trails!

Dear Probl-O-Matic,

I've got this awful job that I totally want to quit, but I can't bring myself to do it. Is there something wrong with me? Like, deep down inside me?

--Profession Is Soul Sucking

Dear PISS,

I think the problem inside of you -- like, deep down inside of you -- is that the music you listen to sucks and you need to restore your iPod settings and download some new music. Quit your job and then throw a big party. Get plastered. Shit yourself. Vomit on a fern. Do a string of things that have nothing to do with work. No, don't think of the repercussions. Take a permanent vacation. Live every day like it was your last blah blah whatevercakes.

And if your "awful job" is the Weekly Dig, then God have mercy on your tortured soul.

Dear Probl-O-Matic,

My roommate has an overbearing boyfriend. I feel as if I'm dating this guy, too. Granted, I was there from the beginning of their courtship -- they met at a bar on a night that my roommate and I were out together, and my roomie brought me out with them a couple times during the "get to know each other" stage of their relationship. Yet when they started exclusively dating, her boyfriend informed me that he did not need any more friends, and the only reason he had been hanging out with me was to get to know my roommate. Though weird of him to state it, I was fine with this.

However, now, I see him all the time. My roommate often gives him our spare key, and he's been known to show up unexpectedly at our apartment without notice. Recently, this smothering lover of hers called me multiple times in one evening to persuade me and who I was out with to meet him and his friends, although my roommate was still at work, and wouldn't be joining us.

I need to break up with him. I do want to consider my roommate's feelings in this, and I'm not sure as to whether or not I need to address the boyfriend directly. I realize this is probably best solved by just talking to my roommate, though I think I may have undermined my argument by being so accommodating in the past. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks!

--Single, Yet Not

Dear SYN,

I actually have had a roommate before. She farted and talked in her sleep. But never have I been in such a Three's Company-mixed-esque fiasco as this. I would just continually kick him in the nuts until he leaves. I have this weird way of dealing with men, which is probably why I don't have a boyfriend.

Or a roommate.

God, I suck at life. Excuse me; I have to go sob now. Good luck.

Melissa Saunders is a 17-year-old writer, poet and student from Dorchester. For more insight on her life, check out carlosray.blogspot.com or frozenbagels.blogspot.com. Got problems? We've got solutions. Send your dilemmas to our crack team of Probl-O-Matic Advice Consultants at advice@weeklydig.com. We'll make sure your burning question gets the expertise it deserves.