[Advice] 
Chewing, screwing, hand-wringing
Yesterday, I ate a sandwich. It was at one of these hippie places that don't pressure you to pay right up front -- the end result of which was, inevitably, walking out in a food coma without paying. This place is a long way from my house -- too far to go back and give them the $9 I owe them. Is it their loss for not demanding currency, or am I a cheap, thieving prick?
[Advice] 
On Dignity
Dear Joel,
My girlfriend has to make the choice on whether or not my children end up in a bucket or a carriage. Either way, I'm left with the bill. Sure, people are quick to say there are always options, but I'm not about to start punching my girlfriend in the stomach, and I doubt she'd be willing to trade in our apartment for one with walls coated in lead paint.
[Advice] 
Dear Probl-O-Matic,
How long is too long to wait to pee? One hour? Two hours? I've definitely gone over four hours, but one time when I was going for three, I got mugged and peed all over myself.
--Person in Emerging Need of Urinary Stabilization
Dear PENUS,
[Advice] 
Dear Joel,
I'm not germ-phobic, but I am really squeamish when it comes to moldy food, or even the slightest possibility of my food having mold in it-which means that I throw out a lot of perfectly good food. I've always been this way, but my paranoid tendencies have gotten worse over the past two years, ever since I took a big sip of Nesquik that was full of weevil carcasses. How do I get over my contamination fear?
Sincerely,
Nestlé Sick
