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Kurt and Lizard

Caught While Leaving the Boston Tattoo Convention at the Cyclorama in the South End

By David Day

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I'M NOT SURE WHERE TO START WITH YOU GUYS.

Kurt: He's green and I'm fat, there's a good start. I'm fat by choice and he's green by ... I don't know.

Lizard: I'm green by choice and you're fat by neglect! Aren't there stairs in this city?

LIZARD, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GO THROUGH AIRPORT SECURITY?

Lizard: I make extra money every time I travel. If anyone wants to smuggle anything they stand behind me in line and when everyone's distracted—whoo! Right through.

LIKE AN AMBULANCE.

Kurt: I was thinking more of a giant walking booger.

Lizard: No matter how you characterize me you can't make me worse than you. If we're walking down either side of the street, people are crossing from your side to mine.

Kurt: I'm 300 pounds of twisted steel and sex appeal, baby.

Lizard: You say you made a choice to be this way? I don't believe for a minute 20 years ago you were sitting around with a box of Ho Hos saying, "You know what? I'm gonna get fucking fat! That's my plan!" Now you're huge and hairy and Bigfoot wouldn't fuck you after 12 beers.

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