[Department of Commerce]

Under $25

Holiday Gift Guide

By DIG STAFF

SANCHEZ CIRCUIT COINTELPRO T-SHIRT | $15

From the Theoretical Certainties Collection, this shirt's design consists of eight lines coded in Latin, Leet and ancient alchemical symbols -- in other words, screen-printed nerdspeak. Perfect for those you wouldn't dream of shopping for at bustedtees.com, and you'll get bonus points for providing a conversation starter in bars throughout Cambridge.

[Available at Sanchez Circuit, sanchezcircuit.com]

 

LABELS ARE FOR JARS T-SHIRT | $19

Remember that Seinfeld episode where George's holiday gifts were fake donations to charity? This is sorta like that except it's real -- Labels Are for Jars is a nonprofit that helps supply food to the Cor Unum Meal Center in Lawrence, MA. And you get to dress your loved ones in shirts that read "homeless," "mentally ill," and "addict."

[Available at Newbury Comics, 332 Newbury St., Boston. 617.236.4930. newburycomics.com]

 

EASY-BAKE OVEN | $24.50

When you google "Easy-Bake Oven," most of the hits are cautionary pages about a recall due to partial finger amputation. But classic is classic, damn it, and this toy -- which makes tiny sweets using a powerful and potentially hazardous light bulb -- is still the perfect present for cautious adults with juvenile tendencies and children you don't like very much.

[Available at Hasbro Toy Shop, hasbrotoyshop.com]

 

PROJECT BREAD HOLIDAY CARDS | $15/10-pack

Project Bread serves the entire state of Massachusetts by helping distribute food and end hunger, and you (yes, you!) can join in the fun. They offer an array of holiday cards -- with hyper-PC designs such as pear trees and snowmen -- with 80% of proceeds going to charitable ends. Winter's cool; starving's not. [Available at Rugg Road Paper Company, 105 Charles St., Beacon Hill, Boston. 617.742.0002. ruggroadpaper.com]

 

DEMOCRATIC DREAM MUG | $12.95

Religion, money and politics, three things you should never discuss at the table, right? Screw that. This mug's emblazoned with a US map portrayed with blue and red states projected for the 2008 election. Pour a hot beverage (and snub a Republican) as all states -- including Ohio, Florida and yes, even Texas -- turn from red to a most Democratic blue.

[Available at Monroe Salt Works, Copley Pl., 10 Huntington Ave., Boston. 617.236.0045. mswstore.com]

 

CUSTOM DOGGIE TEE | $12.90 and up

C'mon slacker, time to step it up: The doggy spa and organic treats aren't nearly enough. Abuse -- we mean, pamper -- poor poochie once more with a cute wittle tee that you can design all yourself. Coordinate Fido's look with the irony du jour, or merely broadcast your thoughts on a tail-wagging billboard.

[Available at Spreadshirt, spreadshirt.com]

 

MAKE YOUR OWN HOT SAUCE KIT | $19.95

Our life philosophy roughly goes like this: If it's spicy, eat it. Though it's gotten us in trouble from time to time (see: nuclear tacos), we're still aching for the hot stuff. After blending the included spices (allspice, black cumin, curry powder, achiote, Jamaican jerk, ginger) into a killer condiment, hold on tight for a panty-twisting time.

[Available at Edmund Scientific, scientificsonline.com]

 

KORRES QUINCE BODY BUTTER | $22

Swear. To. God. The first time I put on this cream, a boy literally slid his nose up my arm, sniffing and sighing like a fool. If that doesn't make this stuff fly off the shelves, the moisturizing skillz of this natural Greek product may surely be enough for a skin-slathering spree.

[Available at Uniform, 511 Tremont St., South End, Boston. 617.247.2360. uniformboston.com]

 

ANTENNA MAGAZINE | $16 (quarterly subscription)

Antenna is as Antenna does, pointing to cutting-edge products and the latest innovations so discovering them is quick and easy. Magazines were originally devised as "a storehouse" for merchandise, and this is a catalog of some of the coolest on the planet -- the mag's tagline is "What drops next." For any and all consumerist freaks.

[Available at Trident Booksellers, 338 Newbury St., Boston. 617.267.8688. tridentbookscafe.com]

 

JEWISH MOTHER GUM | $1.25

The flavor of this gum is kvetched as "Fruit...Schmoot," and with 8 convenient pieces that makes one for every night of Hanukkah -- you lucky dog. It's also (natch) a Kosher product, primed with enough sugar to rot your teeth by New Year's.

[Available at Perpetual Kid, perpetualkid.com]

 

HILLARY NUTCRACKER | $19.95

From the creators of the Bill Clinton corkscrew, we have yet another piece of suggestive holiday kitsch with presidential ambitions. Have pity on the nuts; this is unquestionably the only time when it's appropriate to put -- or even think about putting -- anything in between Hillary's long-neglected thighs.

[Available at The Hillary Nutcracker, hillarynutcracker.com]

 

OVE GLOVE | $15.99

Pay close attention, because Auntie Val is about to get the last-minute gift of a lifetime: Pwn the typical oven mitt with a seen-on-TV-quality oven glove. What better way to say "I love your food, now git in the kitchen," than to stop in a drugstore for a five-fingered accessory reinforced with Kevlar.

[Available at CVS, 624 Mass. Ave., Central Sq., Cambridge. 617.354.4130. cvs.com]

 

TEA DAM TEACUP WITH BUILT-IN TEA FILTER | $10

Teabags can be tricky, slidey little buggers, forcing you to fish out the tag with your fingers. But hey, that's gross. Think of the Tea Dam as a little damage control before you go to third base with your hot beverage. The bag sits behind the wall of the teacup's own neat little dugout.

[Available at UncommonGoods, uncommongoods.com]

 

NINJA GEAR | $9.99 (throwing stars)-$389.99 (handcrafted Katana)

For your friends who aspire to be urban ninjas, it's up to them to develop fierce karate skills and zen patience, but you can at least equip them with the right weapons. Samurai swords, throwing stars, sais or nunchaku prepare them for Kombat, or at least make for some badass living room décor.

[Available at The Ultimate Self-Defense & Performance Center, 416 W. Broadway, South Boston. 617.268.9893. boston-martialarts.com]

 

SERIOUSLY BAD ALBUM COVERS BY NICK DIFONZO | $15

For years, BizarreRecords.com founder Nick DiFonzo has been hoarding album covers strictly for their brain-melting tackiness, amassing a collection filled with Slavic mariachi bands, be-fanny-packed rappers, greasepaint-slathered metal twits and bouffanted Bible-thumping frumpstresses. DiFonzo's fourth and latest book has gotta be scraping the absolute dregs -- which means it's pretty much perfect.

[Available from Bizarre Records, bizarrerecords.com]

 

NAIL CROSS NECKLACE (3" CROSS) | $24.89

This holiday, it's up to you to give your loved ones the gift that will protect them from the Vampire Santa (let's face it, those garlic-laced sugar cookies can't slay for shit). The rest of the year, these jaunty crucifixes -- made, awesomely enough, from horseshoe nails dipped in polyurethane -- impart a look that falls somewhere between "goth snowflake" and "reliquary smuggled out of Notre Dame."

[Available at zipiZápe Artisans, P.O. Box 764, Milford, NH. 603.672.0269. zipizapeartisans.com]

 

FAIRY PORN | $18-25

Whether you've got a thing for nymphs, mermaids or even unicorns, satiate your fantasy fetish with some soft-lit prints. Enchanting (yet erotic) fairies clad in minimal ethereal wear are sure to tinker your bell. Try hanging a few in the bathroom -- they're way more mesmerizing than that dog-eared stack of Maxim.

[Available at The Fairy Shop, 302 Newbury St., Boston. 617.262.2520. thefairyshop.com]

 

SEALING WAX 6-PACK | $10.80

For Christ's sake, stop sending each other internets! This is the way they did things back in the day -- a few drips of wax on an envelope, your personal stamp, then off it flies to your lover/enemy/revolutionary leader. Sealing stamp not included, but what else were you using your ancestral signet ring for?

[Available at Paper Source, 338 Boylston St., Back Bay, Boston. 617.536.3444. paper-source.com]

 

YOPLAIT GO-GURT FIZZIX | $3.29

Hey guys! Over here! Yogurt just got way more interesting. No more simple creaminess, cause this shit is carbonated. With flavors like Blue Raspberry Rage, Wild Cherry Zing and Triple Berry Fusion, you'll almost forget it's not designer steroids. Bonus: Crammed in a slick tube, Go-Gurt is portable.

[Available at Shaw's, 53 Huntington Ave., Boston. 617.262.4688. shaws.com]

 

COSTIC'S PEPPERMINT SCENTED CAFFEINATED SOAP | $5.97

Multitask this, suckers: Get a caffeine fix, clean behind the ears and smell minty fresh all at once. It's even rumored to decrease your risk of skin cancer and minimize the appearance of cellulite. We don't know if this beats "Folgers in your cup" as the best part of waking up, but it's worth a rousing rinse.

[Available at X-treme Geek, x-tremegeek.com]