50 Reasons Why WeeklyDig.com should be your primary news source

By Chris Faraone on Thu, Jan 3, 2008 2:31 pm

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We’re leaving for New Hampshire at four o’clock tomorrow (Friday) morning. Just three of us packed in a rental cracking jokes about how much “Mike Huckabee” sounds like “My Cock-a-bee.” It’s a reunion of sorts; four years ago, before I started at the Dig, Mark, Dan and I hurtled through the Granite State in my girlfriend’s Dodge Caravan. We smacked skin with candidates, enjoyed free donuts at every Elks and VFW post from Nashua to Deerfield, and ditched several dozen state police cars and helicopters in a chase across four counties.

Now we’re going back, and the number after the dot on the Range isn’t the only thing that’s changed. For one – we have a hotel room with hi-speed Internet access, which means that we’ll be able to deliver timely dispatches from Friday until the primary bubble bursts next Tuesday. For two – we’re slicing through with much sharper blades than last time around. As you wait anxiously for us to post, we thought it would be fun to start you with 50 reasons why WeeklyDig.com should be your primary news source. We hope to see you back here soon.

1 – We popped your favorite blogger’s cherry

2 – Almost more fun than watching “I Love New York” season finale for the third time

3 – It was your New Year’s resolution

4 – We will be interviewing John Edwards – the psychic

5 – If Mitt Romney has camel toe, our cameras will be the first on the scene

6 – We have an open bar tab for the week

7 – We sent busty whores to your favorite columnists’ hotel rooms, so they won’t be getting out much

8 – Read carefully and you’ll find the answer to your weight problem

9 – Our editor impregnated Britney’s little sister

10 – Ann Coulter in a thong

11 – We paid that tall lassie to marry Kucinich

12 – The Boston Phoenix sucks caucus

13 – Our familiarity with the New Hampshire hip-hop scene

14 – The guarantee that one of us will wind up in prison

15 – America runs on Dunkin…We run on Ritalin

16 – Someone stole your “Support Our Troops” bumper sticker and you need to do something patriotic

17 – The blogger who you read in ’04 supported Wesley Clark

18 – We’re like the Three Musketeers of this politics shit

19 – You can fool some people some of the time, and those are the people we’re going to focus on

20 – We’ll be crisscrossing the Granite State on flying skateboards

21 – Our campaign is endorsed by Lou Diamond Phillips

22 – More hoes than Giuliani

23 – Having taken bribes from every candidate, we can guarantee objectivity

24 – We’re throwing root beers in your fridge

25 – After having us on board for just five minutes, John McCain re-named the Straight Talk Express the Straight Pimp Express

26 – We’ll be strutting around crotch-first all week

27 – Extensive nightly coverage of the Manchester pub scene

28 – Neither Pedro nor Papi are running in this election

29 – We hated Mitt Romney before you did

30 – All the other kids are doing it

31 – There were times we lost a dream or two…Not this time – we’re bringing Tony Danza

32 – Up-to-the-minute updates on Hillary Clinton’s papshmear results

33 – We can pee with boners

34 – Exclusive interviews with Ian Ziering and Gabrielle Carteris

35 – Live free or die trying

36 – Ron Paul is crashing in our motel room

37 – We revoked the Old Man of the Mountain’s driver’s license

38 – Howie Carr box shots

39 – We still make fat jokes about Oprah even though she’s been skinny for like six months

40 – Mike Huckabee is the cheese to our macaroni

41 – No other reporters will have a team of stylists grooming their manes like the Gotti boys

42 – It’s the only political blog with a YouPorn component

43 – The best coverage of Judge Reinhold’s endorsement of Bill Richardson

44 – Highly anticipated list of fifty deli meats that rhyme with Barack Obama

45 – Commendable lack of respect for the entire political landscape and all of its inhabitants

46 – Hillary uses us to get back at Bill

47 – Our coverage now available in Smell-O-Vision

48 – Phrenology-tested, voodoo priest-approved journalism at its finest

49 – We walk our dogs off the leash and a bag of chips

50 – What’s your alternative? Listening to Tom Finneran on WRKO?


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