Tear gas :&#039;(

I honestly think my boss intentionally smoked me out of the handicap stall, if you know what I mean. I was hanging out in there, and minding my business, and GChatting on my blackberry, and next thing I know ...

I'm surprised thousands of frogz didn't fill the streets before that happened. (ha ha hahahaz. get it? liek in China? b4 that quake? sorry.... :'( † )

wasn't that nuts?

I wonder how many free iced coffees he had today??? Thanks, Dunkin Donuts! Considering how often the smokerz step out of the office, and you offering a free 16oz iced coffeez 2day, I haven't seen 1/2 of my cow0rkerz since yesterday. I assume they've stopped at 10 locations by now. It's like a fucking HOLIDAY for these ppl!

ugh, I am s0 sl33py. Last night was NUTZ!

I saw speed racer.

I swear it was liek longer than titanic. I thought I was going to be l8 2 work, and I went to the 7:30 showing.

Hmmm, maybe an iced coffee will wake me up.

L8r.

:(

By can_I_haz_new_job_plz on Tue, May 13, 2008 2:07 pm

We got this e-mail from the president of the company, saying that he was ready to retire. I haven't seen it listed in any of the papers or anything... I wonder if that will fuck up our stock? Can I call MSNBC, CNN, and FOX NEWS on my way home?

I made said "Wow, even *%)*% #&#&##*#*# is giving up!" and my boss was t0tally :(!!!!! at me.

You know when you see a blind woman wi a seeing eye dog, and the dog is leading her in2 walls and storefrontz, and that's INSIDE of a building? Do you wonder what happens when she gets out on2 the street? or do you run back to your desk, because yr lunch hour is over?

I feel like I've asked this b4.

Have you seen the "$5 foot-long -- anysub" deal @ SubWay? Then you go there, and it excludes pastrami, roast beef, chicken, steak, and any of the specials that are usually more than $5? and then you're like "WTF?"

what a boring day. I should have taken a liquid lunch.

and ppl thought I was the scumbag? sheesh.

By can_I_haz_new_job_plz on Wed, May 7, 2008 11:06 am

so, maybe I strolled in a little l8 yesterday reeking of margaritaz and cor0naz, etc. and my eyez may have been a little red/ puffy, but that'z b-kuz of allergiez. I wazn't out celebrating cinco de mayo until the sun came up, I'm not even french or whatevz! anywayz, I don't think my boss thought I was an outstanding associate yesterday...

anywayz, it's like 9:00am 2day, and I run out to Au Bon Pain, b-kuz I refuze 2 eat NEthing in our cafeteria, and when I get back, I noticed whole floor smelled like the border cafe. Some jerk t0tally made an Amy's All Natural Enchilada at 9:30am. Who does that in an office? we're obviously going to find you ... either in your cubicle or in the bathroom. :(

Haven't you heard of a bagel? Does Pauly Shore work in my office?

I'm going to but a leg of lamb in the microwave, and step out for a bit.

My boss is totally out sick 2day... now I'm in full-on career search mode. It's so hard to have the monster.com monster dancing all over my screen when my boss sits next to me.

oh, btw we3kly dig, thankz for the links on the side. I was trying to adjust the screen, and accidentally clicked on the Phone Sex ad for 1-877-389-SLUT. Really? "SLUT" had to appear in the phone #? Thankz... for some reason, I feel like the next call I have will be from Human Resources.

I guess I will start packing up my desk. :(

juzt an0ther manic depressive munda1.

By can_I_haz_new_job_plz on Mon, May 5, 2008 11:35 am

am I the only person who didn't callout sick 2day?! EVERY1 is out! I think I even have janitorial duty listed on my Outlook calendar!

This weekend was the WORST. Thanx, Boston meteorologiztz. It stopped raining at liek 5pm yesterday! At least I lost 2 poundz, but that was all alcohol w8.

My boss t0tally just made a duck sound, if you know what I mean. :'(

I had to type up a report about a particular investment, but I kept typing "incestment", because I am SO freaked out by that sp0oky Austrian guy. He kind of looks like Vincent Price. Can someone call the police on him? He's pretty bad, according to the CNNz :(

It would be nice if I could get this Digitalism song out of my head:

I'm pretty sure none of my HTML kodez are working, so you probz think I am crazier than that Austrian guy. :(

:(

By can_I_haz_new_job_plz on Thu, May 1, 2008 10:48 am

TGTIF! This week haz been the WORST.

take 2day 4 example... You know when you find a penny on the ground and you pick it up, and think to yrself: "gee, that's lucky... it's going 2 be a good day." What doez it mean when a black cat jumps out in front of you and crosses yr path as you are putting it in your pocket?

FUCK YOU! Thatis what it meanz.

:'(

2 make matterz w0rse, while I was continuing my journey to the office, I mistakenly got on the ALBINO line. There were 2 albinos riding in the car I was on. It wasn't crowded, and I know what you're thinking, but they weren't even friends! They were sitting at 2 different ends.

What the hell kind of luck is that? I mean, is it a good thing? It t0tally gave me a migraine trying to calculate thoze oddz.

I looked like a mess when I got in2 the office 2day. I should have worn a tie w/ piano keyz on it 2 take the attenshun off my face. Luckily I can blame it on allergiez, or something. yeah, it's that time of the year ... that's k0ol.

ok, I think I have to go fax something or whatever.

L8r.

Is it still Wednesday?

By can_I_haz_new_job_plz on Wed, Apr 30, 2008 3:57 pm

I just sat through the LONGEST unannounced meeting, EVER. I started hallucinating. It was awful ... like when I would watch kids shows on FOX (as a kid) in the morning, but then @ 10AM it would turn into that prayer service at some cathedral I had never heard of... you know, b-kuz I was 6, and wanted to watch Small Wonder and XUXA dance with animalz?? :(

AnyayzZz, I think the vice president was counting my yawns. I don't know why, but it would not end ... some1 would keep adding pointz to dead topicz. Another group needed the room for a video c0nference, and they just stood there and looked at us. You could TASTE the hatred. I would have invested in a speed ball or a red-bull, if I had known my afternoon was going 2 come 2 this crashing halt.

How can I get anything else done now? I mean, I was going to run across the street and get a brownie earlier, but now it's close to dinner time. Are they the least bit aware of how they fucked up the rest of my day?

I don't even feel like going on youtube for the rest of the afternoon... that's how exhausted I am.

LQQk, I barely have the energy 2 LOL.

Black Munda1.

By can_I_haz_new_job_plz on Mon, Apr 28, 2008 11:16 am

It's still kind of early, but I can tell this is going to be an AWFUL monday. Half of the office is out 2day, my boss's boss is in the w0rst mo0d, b-kuz she has a bunch of retardz working 4 her (- me, obvz.) and I just had 2 of the w0rst discoveriez in the bathroom. :(

1. I am pretty sure the bathroom was specifically designed to deter suicide attemptz. :(

I saw that Joy Division documentary the 0ther night, and it was quite :'(. but I am pretty sure that my company knew this job would be awf, and that they'd probz lose ppl <-- and --> if they had ANY opportunity to do so. Not a single hook or rail to turn my Michael Kors silk tie in2 a quick release from the mutual fundZz / investment w0rld. :(

oh, well... Happy Hour @ McCormick & SchmickzZzz isn't too far away.

Discovery 2. Fantasy Football rulez sheet.

I thought Scientology was fucked up. But this stuff freakz me out, too. (probz b-kuz I hear my whole office talking about it :( ) When I was hiding out / gChatting on my B-Berry (cutez... that name is just 2 cutez ;*) )I noticed this packet some1 left on a metro (thank god it wasn't a boston now... I used to flush thoze pgz when I'd find them, but luckily we don't have that problem anymore... hahahaha)

Anywayz, the whole concept seems like a joke to me, and I know "Furries" are for fantasy, and have weird conventions at hotels in mid-west cities, where they do all kinds of weird animal sp0okiez, and pretend they have cat no-nos, and fox tails, etc ... (sheesh, I'm going somewhere with this...) but at least they don't lose their life savingz on that stuff! (just friends, and l0viez from their family, etc.)

YAY! my $600 iz in my acct!!!

Can I haz another $600, plz? I haz billz :(

Finally! An Ice Cream P@rty!

By can_I_haz_new_job_plz on Thu, Apr 24, 2008 2:58 pm

w8, not really... It's not like when I walked by the conference room, and saw someone from ColdStone whipping out Sundaez to the VPs liek the Iron Chef. Someone bought a box of fucking Fudgsicals.

WORST!

:'(~

Is my company going out of business or something? why don't we have any money? I think my boss haz a company EBT card for expenses. :(

I went to the supply cabinet for some 'Supliez (lolol), and BATS flew out at me! I found some rubber bands and Paper clipz that looked like they were bent back in2 shape and I think there was a Quill Pen. Can some1 call Staplez, plz? Maybz W.B. Mason? Hell, even Corporate Express?! (desperate)

:(!

A girl who w0rkz with me was asking me if she should demand a raise, b-kuz she has a new AWFUL role. Then her e-mailz got angry about my boss, and she started dr0pping an assortment of Four letter w0rdz. :( I think Net Nanny popped up on my computer, and CC'd HR!

You can't say Fuck-Fuck in Outlook! That's just bad!

I think my boss is still pissed that we didn't give a hero's welcome after marathon munda1. :( Oh, well.... I still don't see a box of Munchkinz.

How generous! (??!!!?!)

By can_I_haz_new_job_plz on Tue, Apr 22, 2008 1:06 pm

I wuz just checking my Outlook a little while ago, and I stumbled upon this gem from my boss (hog)

"-----Original Message----- From: (Evil) Sent: Tuesday, April 22, 2008 11:49 AM To: (dead souls) Subject: RE: Update

Very nice job today, looks like all can enjoy full hour lunches!"

WHAT THE SUCK!!!!!?!

Can I cc the Attorney G3n3ra1'z office on my reply?!?!

Sheesh! you'd think I sit at a cotton gin all day or something?!

I'm a big kid now, and I think I deserve full hour lunchez EVERYDAY. I don't care if it's bizy.

Gay office crush noticed that the spanish woman has been making duck sounds when she walks by ... if you know what I mean. :( I thought he was talking about the duck boats at first, but then it became very clear what he was refering to. :'(

I just got a txt mzg 4 drinx @ delux after w0rk. Why can't they open now?! :(

'Sup with the shooting @ my beloved t stop yesterday? remind me not to play basketball with thoze kids! :(

Whatever happened to NERF gunz, and water pistolz? I ran to the train with my briefcase covering my face this morning, bekuz there wuz a media cirkus, and I want my coworkerz to think I live in the suburbz (that's why I'm alwayz l8... you wouldn't believe the traffic on the pike... yeah, traffic. ;*).

ok... l8r.

are they filming a Gatorade commercial on Boylston Street?

By can_I_haz_new_job_plz on Mon, Apr 21, 2008 1:38 pm