10 THINGS YOU WILL LEARN AT THE SANTALAND DIARIES

The List

By Gia Podobonski

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10 | It is quicker to watch this play than to stand in line to have your picture taken with Santa.

9 | Everything there is to know about One Life to Live.

8 | Your unemployment check looks pretty good, actually.

7 | What happens when you step on the "Magic Star."

6 | Someone else is having a more miserable holiday experience than you are.

5 | How to striptease to Tchaikovsky.

4 | What it means to get up close and personal with an actor onstage.

3 | The difference between a Pointer Elf, a Counter Elf and a Magic Tree Elf.

2 | Some hip dance moves for your holiday party.

1 | Some hot holiday fashion ideas.

[The Santaland Diaries by David Sedaris, adapted by Joe Mantello. Until 1.4.09. Downstage at the New Repertory Theatre, 321 Arsenal St., Watertown. Times vary/$30, $15 students. 617.923.8487. newrep.org]