News in Brief

By DAVID THORPE

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Bryan Ferry's son, Otis Ferry, faces criminal charges for yanking the keys from the ignition of a paparazzo's car at an intersection and throwing them away. The interesting news contained in the preceding tidbit is that Bryan Ferry has a son named "Otis." Further delving into the existence of this "Otis" leads to the revelation that he is quite the little shit, being a vehemently pro-fox hunting upper-class ninny who tends to wear lots of tweed and get arrested for driving drunk. I say lock him up and ... snicker ... check this out: throw away the keys.

Boston's own EXTREME will reunite for an album and world tour soon, according to a flamingly flamboyant press release. In the following passage, please note that all bolding, italicization and capitalization are retained from the original text and totally unembellished by me:

"'Passion,' says BETTENCOURT, is what drives EXTREME. 'To do whatever it takes, with integrity, to bring music to the people. 'I know it might sound crazy, but there is a massive shortage of rock & roll on this planet,' says BETTENCOURT. 'It's almost extinct. I mean the true spirit of quality rock & roll you know, Musicianship."

That's a pretty EXTREME press release! Look forward to BETTENCOURT, CHERONE and the rest of EXTREME exercising their Passion and Musicianship at a venue near you. If you don't like what they're doing, get the funk out!

The Sun newspaper claims that The Zep will be forced to shift their songs into lower keys for their upcoming shows, since Plant's hoary yowl can no longer achieve as before. Jimmy Page is working hard to transpose his guitar music to the gutbucket.

Morrissey's on the defensive this week after making bilious, right-wing anti-immigration comments during a recent NME interview. The comments -- just like last time NME accused him of racism -- ignited a firestorm of controversy, with some accusing Morrissey of racism and others (like The Sun newspaper) using Morrissey 's statements as an 'in' to introduce new premises into the discussion. "Morrissey's pretty cool," says the paper, "and he's totally not a racist for hating immigrants, because did you know that Pakistanis are unemployed suicide bombers and Somalis will basically just cut the shit out of you with big-ass knives?" Not the paper's own words, mind you, but a pretty faithful rendition.

Morrissey is now suing the NME for printing his comments and then failing to apologize for printing them. In a response published in the Guardian newspaper, he accused NME of a hatchet job, saying his comments were "butchered, re-designed, re-ordered, chopped, snipped and split," but not particularly going out of his way to deny having said them. Basically, he's saying "my bilious, right-wing anti-immigration comments were taken out of context." And addressing the allegations of racism, he dusted off the ol' "but I have ethnic friends and like ethnic music, soooooo..." chestnut. Oof.

Billboard headline: "Toby Keith Infringement Suit Dismissed." Does that mean he got rid of his leather jacket with all the dangly stuff under the sleeves?

Seriously, though. "Otis Ferry." As in, "the Otis Ferry came and stole all my oats."

From the "I'll see it when I believe it" file comes yet another round of news of a new My Bloody Valentine album. The long-defunct Irish band, famous for guitarist Kevin Shields' patented "big wiggly noise" style and for his utter inability to provide even a single goddamn album in the last 16 years, are rumored (by their manager, but I still call it a rumor) to be hitting the studio next month. The planned album will contain new material alongside salvaged tracks from aborted 1993-94 and 1996-97 recording sessions. Following in the footsteps of Radiohead's In Rainbows, they'll self-release the record on the internet, continuing the proud MBV tradition of nonexistent albums.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers have signed up to 'rock' the Super Bowl halftime show ... to sleep! Ah ha ha ha ha! EXTREME!

Recent passings: The singer from Quiet Riot and the guitarist from Hawthorne Heights. As the Righteous Brothers said, "If there's a rock & roll heaven, you know they've got a hell of a band." Maybe those two can get tickets off a scalper or something.