10,000 B.C.

By DAVID DAY

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Boy, were my friend and I jazzed to see this. Cavemen, mammoths, spears, ziggurats—this thing had it all. But about five minutes in, it becomes clear what happened here. Someone in the CGI dept was all like, "Check out this fucking MAMMOTH!" And the goobers in marketing were all, "Whoa!" and the president of Warner Bros. was like, "Call me back, I'm getting a blow job," and they rushed this thing through like it was Jäger in an ice luge. Problem is, they skipped right over the staff in the script department, because the story is duller than soapstone. I even tried to exit poll people and they were embarrassed they saw it and didn't want to be photographed ... seriously. If it wasn't for the saber-toothed tiger (who, as you may have heard, doesn't even eat anyone), my buddy and I would have walked the fuck out. Horrid.

WARNER HOME VIDEO

RATED | PG-13

RELEASE DATE | 6.24.08

PRICE | $16.99