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LISA LAMPANELLI
Like June Cleaver, but with slightly more ethnic slurs
By ROB TURBOVSKY
del.ico.us
reddit!
In the world of standup comedy, there's filthy and then there's Lisa Lampanelli. Looking like a cartoonish June Cleaver and sounding like a mix of Andrew Dice Clay and a funny, appealing comedian, she hurls racial epithets and sex jokes of Screw Magazine-level detail with such head-spinning speed that network censors rarely bother to let her on the air before midnight, or else they risk a repetitive stress injury for whomever is working the "bleep" button. Lampanelli's act mocks stereotypes by trafficking in them entirely. It's a controversial approach, akin to what would have happened if Lenny Bruce had been less into morphine and more into graphically describing his love of black dudes. She seems to have finally hit her stride, in part due to her breakthrough performances as the fearless closing highlight of those increasingly meaningless Comedy Central Roasts, including one for Chevy Chase where she told roastmaster Paul Shaffer that "Every time I see your head, it reminds me to clean my dildo." She was in the last two Larry The Cable Guy movies, though nobody's perfect, and her current comedy tour has her playing theaters instead of clubs, climaxing in a show next year at every comic's mecca, Carnegie Hall. She'll be at the Berklee Performance Center on Friday night at 8pm.
Before you started doing standup, you were interviewing cock rock bands, right?
Absolutely. Cinderella, Slaughter ... you know, all the good ones.
What about that wasn't fulfilling?
I know, shocking, right? Well, once I'd interviewed Rush and Jethro Tull and Yes, because those were my heroes because I was a prog rock fag, I was like, "My life is empty now. What should I do next?"
Which member of Rush would you need to be paid the most money to fuck?
Oh, Geddy! Geddy Lee is the ugliest motherfucker, but I'll tell you what, I don't judge on the basis of looks anymore, now that I have inner peace. I totally would fuck Geddy Lee, because he's ugly cute. He's like Sarah Jessica Parker on Sex & The City -- ugly cute.
Were you a funny kid or funny when you were in school?
I think I was kind of funny. I wasn't class clown. Michelle Sweeney was class clown, but fuck her, where is she now? Maybe she's dead of AIDS. I don't even care, because I should've been class clown. Anyway, she got the class clown title. L.L. did not. So, I wasn't extremely funny, but I was always able to say things to make fun of people but not get them upset.
When you were doing standup in the beginning, was it in that same confrontational style?
It's not a confrontational style, you fucking dopey, money-grubbing Hebe. It's insult comedy. I don't confront anybody.
Well, you are very in-your-face. I guess that's what I meant.
I will murder you in your sleep. Do you understand me? That's confrontational! Anyway, no, it wasn't, because it's like asking a first-year doctor to do brain surgery. He's not skilled enough yet. You can't do what you were meant to do until you build up to it, and you build up the skill set that you need. I was likeable, but I wasn't lovable enough to get away with it, and I didn't have the tools to be able to make it work.
At those roasts, do you ever think, “Should I say this? I’m going to be sitting right next to …”
Yeah. It's usually with women. Not Sarah Silverman or some little tough chick like that, but if I'm next to an actress whose entire life has been built on looks and they're kind of ugly now, like a Brigitte Nielsen or Farah Fawcett, I am really tempted usually to punk out and not do those jokes. Because I feel so sorry for those women who had their whole life banked on looks, and now don't have anything but that, and that's fading real fucking quick. So, I have never punked out on a joke like that, but I'm always tempted to and a little sad when I do them. But, then I see them laugh, and they know I'm kidding, and they know I have a good heart. I usually just think, "Fuck it. It's a roast. You gotta do it." And I try to look them in the eye and blow them a kiss and say, "I'm kidding."
There's a lot of talk about Barack Obama. The question of, "Is he black enough?" How would you answer that? Is he black enough for you to want to do him?
I think he's black enough. What's good about a light-skinned colored guy is that you can bring him home to your parents, and they'll still let you in the door. I can lie to my mother and say he's an Italian with a tan, so it's not a problem. I feel like he's just black enough for this country. I don't think he's thugged out, which is how I usually like the brothers, but maybe I'm upgrading to sort of an Uncle Tom black, which I think he would be terrific at.
Is your hope that by using slurs the way you do, you can take the malice out of them?
Yeah, that's absolutely true, but the thing is some people are just not going to get it for that reason, but their money's still good, so out of guilt I'll donate to some fucking charity or the NAACP. If a Klan member's laughing, I'll donate the money, but there is that underlying message that if the hate's not in the word, it's all about intention. It's all about what the intention is. And, that's why I can call somebody a cunt and they won't get mad, and another comic can call them a bitch and they'll get furious and demand their money back. Because the underlying message with me and also my intention is, "Hey, we're all the same. Everybody in this room is identical, so don't even fucking get it twisted." It's all about what you intend to get across, and hopefully, that usually comes off with me.
Do you have any pre-show rituals? Do you sacrifice a virgin, like Jimmy Page would?
I wanted a fluffer. Because I noticed one time I got laid right before a show, and I was hilarious. I was so loosened up. So I have to start implementing a security guard/fluffer thing in my contract. I'll need to ask CAA about that, if it's legal. But, other than that, I don't really do anything. I wash my cunt and go.
LISA LAMPANELLI
BERKLEE PERFORMANCE CENTER
FRIDAY, 11.2
136 MASS. AVE.,
BOSTON
617.747.2261
8PM/$32.75
TICKETMASTER.COM
INSULTCOMIC.COM
