ARTISAN'S ASYLUM

Union Square goes back to school

As those of us who found ourselves suddenly rendered geriatric this weekend by the deluge of youth reminisced wistfully, far too much of the college experience is often taken for granted. Waking up around noon without having to have awkward conversations with your mother about how the economy still hasn't picked up. Exactly how much more forgiving campus police can be, compared to, say, actual police. And all those thousands of dollars of equipment lying around that you're actually actively encouraged to use.

GARY SHTEYNGART

Making the future even more fun and horrifying

"There's no present left," says Gary Shteyngart. "We are all kind of living in the future."

Which raised a question during the conception of Super Sad True Love Story, Shteyngart's latest novel, set in a future America: How could he outdo that accelerating present, its technology, its financial collapses and its toddler-shaming politics?

JAMIE LIDELL

The fellatio of fate

The concerns of Jamie Lidell are thoroughly modern. A singular soul man, Lidell is a type of musician who uses technology to his advantage, and it shows. Both onstage and off, he manipulates his voice, loops and beats at will, while committing to a live band element as well. He's taken the road less traveled or, in some cases, cut his own swath.

DEAR "OH, CRUEL WORLD" CRYBABIES

Dear "Oh, Cruel World" crybabies,

That's it. I've been in this town four years now, and every week I read the petty, craven complaints of your pathetic lives. It's always the same. "Waah. You were rude in public." "Waaaah. You embarrassed yourself." "Waah, I was offended." And finally, my favorite, "I would have said something, if only ..."

CHARLESTOWN

The name alone stinks of history. But despite its nearly 400-year-old presence, you needn't be geriatric to sample its fruits. The locals are friendly (because they reside in pastel-colored Magic Kingdom colonials) and the atmosphere is so fucking quaint, you may pass out. Bring smelling salts.

EAST BOSTON

Known mostly for being by the airport, East Boston (or Eastie) must be respected for its neighborhood feel. Every corner is chock-full of locals who have lived there for generations and can't wait to tell you about it—whether you want to listen or not (you probably will).

ROSLINDALE

Hating the MBTA bus system as passionately as I do, my trips to southern Boston have typically ended at Jamaica Plain. Directly south of the Forest Hills Station, though, lies Roslindale—a suburb with surprising charm, even if you do have to take the bus to get there.

ROXBURY

Back-to-school season in Boston coincidentally has the best weather of the year, so you should be outside as much as possible. To that end, I'd recommend Roxbury and many, many picnics.

SOUTHIE

A formerly Irish working-class neighborhood, Southie is now home to a pretty diverse crowd, but still gets the award for being the area you're most likely to hear that Boston accent—which isn't an award, but should be.

BALL SQUARE

Ball Square is one of those neighborhoods you could drive through in an instant, or if you're from out of town, not even know exists. On a stretch of Broadway in Somerville, I checked out what it could offer a guy in college.