THE BEER GARDEN AT CHARLIE'S KITCHEN

By RACHEL FLETCHER | PHOTOS BY ANTHONY O'BRIEN

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I'm excited about the prospect of relishing the joys of daytime carousing, especially at the recent installation of the neatly outfitted outdoor beer garden at late-night social staple Charlie's Kitchen. It's pleasant, even on an overcast afternoon, to spend quality time getting BFF with bevvies and fellow barflies. I've only ever been unbecomingly drunk during the day twice: once on Marathon Monday my junior year of college, and when my best friend and I were served free shots and tiramisù by a lonely, disco-loving bartender in Venice. Despite the odds today, I'm gonna try to keep it classy.

Drink 1: BBC Steel Rail Extra Pale Ale ($5). Our camera-shy server, whose name is Alex, recommends this hearty, crisp ale from the Berkshire Brewing Company. It's tasty, but I can't help be distracted by the yellowish puffy stuff oozing out of the stone wall that encapsulates the beer garden. Is this a mushroom species? Some sort of caulk? It's the object of much speculation. Bring on the next beer.

Drink 2: Sam Adams Octoberfest ($5). It's dark and oddly effervescent. I'm already beginning to think I might pass out, so I order the Squash Double Cheeseburger. There's pretty much no one here, save a young couple from Chicago with their baby in tow. I amuse myself accordingly while perched upon the tall, silvery barstools.

Drink 3: Bloody Mary ($4). My gourd-freak self is shocked there are only two mini-slices of butternut in the burger! Then Alex catches me poking at the oozy wall stuff and tells me it's the oldest wall in Cambridge. Drinking a Bloody Mary is just like drinking a soup. A really spicy soup. With liquor. Alex sees I'm having trouble with this one and asks if I "need a bigger straw."

Drink 4: Washington Apple Martini ($5.95). This little drink is simply Sex and the City-ready: Crown Royal, cranberry juice and sour apple. I drink it in approximately 30 seconds as we chat up the kids across the way. They're wearing matching boat shoes and eating matching sandwiches. I ask them if they're a couple and they get all awkward. "No, we're just ex-roommates from Texas," the girl replies. But ... the matching shoes? Turns out he's actually a sailor. She just lives in Harvard Square with some relative.

Drink 5: Chimay ($8.58). Alex giggles as she plops this one down in front of me, probably because I can no longer look her in the eye. It's light, almost like Champagne, but she informs me that it's their most alcoholic beer on tap. I'm pretty sure she has it in for me. I leave with what could euphemistically be called a spring in my step—4pm's never looked better.